Academy of Youth
by Gary and Jordan Co
Summary: Unsatisfied with the unyouthfulness of Konoha's ninjas, Lee and Gai decide to educate their fellow ninjas in the ways of youth!


**DISCLAIMER!** : Ok, we definitely don't wanna get sued or anything, so…

WE DO NOT OWN NARUTO and all that good stuff.

**Authors' Note**: This is written by J and C even though our username says we're Gary and Jordan…but whatever. And we are very very slow at writing, so _if _we get any readers, hang on, and we promise to post at least before year '07 is over! That's all!

* * *

One fine day in Konoha…

The birds were chirping, the sky was blue, and a green blur rushed into Team Gai's training grounds. Tenten looked up from polishing her weapons to see her teammate, Rock Lee, skid to a stop, creating a large dust cloud.

"Tenten!" greeted Lee enthusicastically through the dust. "And my eternal rival, Neji!!" Lee flashed his shining white teeth. Tenten winced at their shinyness and wondered how many times he'd brushed them this morning. _I'll have to ask him later, _she thought.

"Lee! You are late!" shouted Lee's infamous teacher, Gai, as he strode into view.

"But, Gai-sensei! I spent the whole night thinking of the most youthful idea!" shouted Lee excitedly.

"What is it, my youthful student?" questioned Gai.

"We will bring out the springtime of youth in all those unyouthful ninjas!" cried Lee, with fire in his eyes.

"Lee! What a wonderful idea! We must pass our budding flower of youth onto the unfortunate and deprived!"

"Gai sensei!"

"Lee!!"

"Gai sensei!!"

"LEEEE!!!!"

hugs and weeps with a sunset in the background for no apparent reason.

Tenten sighed and straightened her two twin buns, and glanced at Neji, who was glaring at Gai and Lee with enough force to melt an iceberg. Sometimes she felt like she was the ONLY sane one in her team. Lee and Gai-sensei were clearly out of their minds and Neji…Neji was the future of homicidal killers.

"Ahh…Neji?"

"…"

"Umm…nevermind."

* * *

Later that day:

Elsewhere in Konoha…

Asuma took a long drag on his cigarette, alternating between puffing and talking to his team.

"We-"

PUFF

"are-"

PUFF

"going to-"

PUFF PUFF PUFF

"Asuma-sensei!" screamed Ino, her patience wearing thin. She snatched the cigarette from his mouth and tossed it into the bushes.

"INO! That was my last one!" Asuma cried.

"Oh, I'm soooo sorry," said Ino sarcastically, shooting him a death glare.

Asuma sighed, putting his hands in his pockets.

"She has you whipped, Asuma-sensei," yawned Shikamaru from his position on the ground.

"Thank you, Shikamaru," smiled Ino slyly.

Shikamaru shuddered.

Asuma lamented the loss of his precious cigarette while Chouji steadily munched on his ever present bag of chips. The silence stretched on…and on…and on…and-

"CHOUJI! STOP EATING!!!" shrieked Ino, unable to take it any longer.

"ANDYOU! SHIKAMARU! GET YOUR BUTT OFF THE GROUND NOW!!!"

Ino grabbed Chouji's chips and unceremoniously crushed them under her foot,

then kicked Shikamaru, who was still lying on the ground.

"Ino-" cried Chouji, heartborken, looking at his crushed bag of chips.

"Oww…" grimaced Shikamaru.

"So, Asuma-sensei," said Ino menacingly, cracking her knuckles. "You were saying…"

"Ah, yes," said Asuma hurriedly. "We are going to have-" Asuma fished out a piece of paper from his pocket. He blinked and rubbed his eyes. "We're going to have...uh... YOUTH class?!"

"Let me see that," said Ino with narrowed eyes and took it from him.

"We're going to have YOUTH class," she repeated faintly.

Shikamaru silently counted the seconds it would take for Mount Ino to explode. _Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…-_

"WE'RE GOING TO HAVE YOUTH CLASS!?!"

The birds in the nearby trees flew away as Ino's scream echoed through the forest.

"YOUTH CLASS!?!! IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE? WELL, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

Shikamaru let his mind drift as Ino ranted, then closed his eyes and drifted off. He was starting to think she'd forgotten he was there, but nooo-

"SHIKAMARU!"

He jumped. "What?"

"DON'T YOU GIVE ME THAT LOOK!! AND WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME? WERE YOU? HUH??"

Shikamaru sighed. _So troublesome._

* * *

Somewhere else in Konoha…

"Shinnoooooo…"

"Hey...Shhinoooooo…"

"...hello? SHIIINOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"SHINO!!"

"Is he dead?" was Kiba's oh so intelligent question to his fellow teammate, Hinata.

"Ahh…Kiba-kun, I don't think-"

"Hinata-chan, Shino could be dead and we wouldn't even know it!" Kiba interrupted.

"Kiba-kun…"

"See, Hinata-chan, Shino always hides behind that HUGE collar of his and those dorky sunglasses, and-"

"I'm not dead," said Shino emotionlessly behind his HUGE collar and "dorky" sunglasses.

"...right," replied Kiba, backing away slowly.

"Hey guys! We've got a letter from Gai..." shouted Kurenai, walking out of the forest and reading the letter.

"What do they want now?" asked Kiba glumly. "Last time they sent us those green spanex suits..." He shuddered.

"We're having... youth cla-" Kurenai paused."YOUTH CLASS?!"

* * *

Somewhere else in Konoha:

…More specifically the bridge.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!!!!" a certain blond screamed, pounding his fists on the railing of the bridge. He watched the wooden pieces fall into the water with a loud SMACK accompanying each one. Naruto

looked up from this unseemly sight and pointed a finger at Sasuke. "Sasuke-teme!!! This is all your fault!"

"Don't you accuse MY Sasuke-kun like that!" shouted an enraged Sakura.

"Yes, ma'am," Naruto squeaked, cowering before her raging fists of fury.

Suddenly, Sakura lost her enraged look and her face contorted as if she had tasted something bitter. A peculiar smell wafted up her nose, making her gag.

"What…what is that smell?" Sakura choked while breathing heavily through her mouth.

"What smell, Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto naïvely.

"Ugh…" groaned Sakura, feeling a headache coming on. Inner Sakura just wanted to throttle Naruto now…

POOF

But fortunately, Kakashi chose this moment to materialize in a cloud of gray smoke. Naruto and Sakura were once again united in yelling at him for being late.

"YOU'RE LATE!" shouted Naruto and Sakura.

"Sorry guys, I was lost on the road of life-"

"LIAR!" they both screamed.

Kakashi sighed, thinking longingly of a certain perverted orange book tucked away in his pocket. _If only I could get away from these brats long enough to read it… _

"So what's the mission?" Sasuke asked, glancing at everyone indifferently.

"Hmm…it seems that you three will be taking Youth Lessons with Gai-Sensei…"

"WHAAAAATT?!?!!" shouted Sakura, feeling the urge to kill a certain someone dressed in green spandex while Naruto melted into a hysterical puddle of mush. Sasuke sighed, leaning his elbows against the wooden structures that were once the railing of the bridge.

"Meet here tomorrow at 3 a.m sharp," Kakashi instructed his team. "I will not be late," he added, before disappearing once again in a cloud of smoke.

"I highly doubt that," Sakura snapped at the dissipating wisps of smoke.

* * *

The next morning, 5 a.m sharp:

The whole Rookie 9 and Tenten were standing in a classroom, staring at Gai and Lee's blindingly shiny teeth.

"Uh, what are we doing here?" Naruto asked, scratching his head.

"Shut up, dobe."

"DON'T CALL ME A DOBE, SASUKE-TEME!!"

"Hey Naruto-" Kiba interrupted, elbowing his way through a groggy Shikamaru and a pissed off Ino.

Kiba suddenly doubled over, gasping for air and coughing.

"Eh? What's wrong, dog-boy?" Naruto asked, puzzled.

"Don't…come…any…closer…" Kiba said, sounding pained.

"Huh?" Naruto was completely clueless. _What had he done to anger Kiba lately? Nothing he could think of… _

"What's WRONG with you?" Naruto asked.

"GO AWAY, NARUTO!" Kiba snapped.

Of course, Naruto didn't like to be told what to do.

"WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!" he retorted.

"YOU'RE MY PROBLEM!!!" Kiba screamed. "I think I'm going to faint," he said in a low voice.

Seconds later, Kiba keeled over and slumped to the floor.

A concerned Hinata and a not-so concerned Shino helped their unconscious teammate sit against the wall.

"What's his problem?" Naruto said, completely oblivious to why he should evoke such a reaction from Kiba.

Shino slowly looked up from where Hinata was trying (unsuccessfully) to revive Kiba.

Naruto gulped.

"Kiba is very sensitve to certain smells," Shino said in a monotone.

"So what?" Naruto said.

"Are you aware of how you smell, Naruto?" asked Shino.

"I noticed it too," added Sakura. "Yesterday, just before Kakashi-sensei showed up, there was this nasty stench in the air…" she trailed off as another thought came to her.

"Have you been taking showers lately, Naruto?" Sakura asked, now rather disgusted about her teammate's unhygienic state.

"Yeah!"

"Why then-"

They were interrupted by the sudden appearance of Lee, who was flashing his blindingly shiny teeth.

"Sakura-san!" Lee cried, with hearts in his eyes. "You are especially youthful today! Nothing can compare to you, the most beautiful flower in the Forest of Youth, that-"

"Be quiet, Fuzzy Eyebrows," said Naruto, irritated.

"Naruto! What has happened to your budding flower of youth?! But no fear! That is exactly why I am here! I WILL HELP YOU REKINDLE YOUR FLAMES OF YOUTH!!!!"

silence

"WHAT??"

"Are you deaf, dobe?"

"YOU BE QUIET, SASUKE-TEME!"

Lee interrupted the would be Naruto-Sasuke fight by pushing them apart and bing-ing his teeth.

"NOW!! YOUTH LESSON #1 WILL BEGIN!! Everyone, here is your own set of youthful green spandex!" Lee pointed proudly at his own suit of spandex, and flashed his blinding teeth once again.

"How stupid," Sasuke grumbled.

_Green spandex_? Naruto paused for a moment, letting the two words sink in.

"LET ME OUT!! LET ME OOOUUUUTTT!!!!"

Unfortunately for Naruto, Gai was standing in the doorway, blocking his only escape route from the room of youthfulness.

"NOOOOO!!!!!"

"YEESSSSS!!! It is for your YOUTHFUL-NESS!!!"

Once again, Gai bing-ed everyone with his blinding-ly shiny teeth.

REVIEW PLEASE! We want to get an idea of whether or not we should continue this fic…


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